Friday - Bits and Bobs

Let's take a moment to talk about necromancers. You know, those chirpy mages and magettes who like to reanimate the dead. Back in the days of the Oblivion crisis, Tiber Septim outlawed the practice of necromancy, driving any would-be necromancers underground. Arguably, this did more harm than good, as, away from the control of the Imperials and the Mages Guild, these rogue wizards were left to sink ever deeper into a shady, even evil, underworld. It is interesting, therefore, that I find myself in more liberal times, where the ban on necromancy has been lifted and the Mages Guild openly practices, researches and controls all branches of magic. Now, if the Mages Guild says that bringing the dead back to (a sort of) life is acceptable then that's fine, but I can't help that notice that one can't spell necromancer without romance. Not that I want to make any insinuations about what these people may or may not be doing with their reanimated corpses.

This is the kind of thing necromancers get up to. And this is just the more public stuff.

Unfortunately, some necromancers seem determined to maintain the bad name they've got for themselves by attempting to invoke ancient evil spirits, as is happening in the image above. Will they ever learn? Sadly, I was forced to slaughter every last one of them as it turned out that the answer to that last question was no, no they won't.

Something else that definitely isn't banned is the collecting, trading and consuming of esoteric potions and ingredients. There are seemingly hundreds of different flora and fauna around Skyrim, all offering something to the enterprising alchemist. The best way to discover the properties of those strange berries you just picked from a bush in the middle of nowhere? Put on a brave face and chew them down. If you don't die then you know one of the properties isn't instant death. Combine two or more ingredients with similar properties at an apothecary table and you'll have yourself a potion. You can also speculatively mix ingredients to see if you end up with a useful elixir or poison in the process, thereby learning additional properties of the ingredients you used. Some of the concoctions I've come up with are so potent I'm sure they can't really be legal. Well, as long as they're just for personal use...

Where'd you get those marks on your face? What do you mean, "what marks"? The really obvious stripes! The bright purple...never mind.

Whoops. This somewhat frightening old crone in The Hag's Cure of Markarth was more than happy to take some of my...experiments off my hands. If the authorities show up, just flush them down the toilet! Oh, that's right - there isn't a single toilet in the whole of Skyrim. But you people must go somewhere! Well, maybe it's magic. The teleportation of fecal matter could be an entire branch of magical study in its own right.

Look out! Dragon! There! Above you! In the air! Flying towards...never mind.

Why the picture of the dragon, you ask? Because it's awesome, that's why, and I lived to tell the tale. Look at those paper-thin wings. How ever does it manage to fly with those? They're full of holes! This one actually didn't attack me. It just flew overhead for a while, screaming about something or other. Someone left the toilet paper the wrong way round on the holder, is I think what he was saying. So dragons must have toilets. Figures.

This way to what is probably the most remote city in Skyrim

This post wouldn't be complete with a landscape shot, so there it is. The road to Markarth, where I bought...a dog! Yes, the second horse died, in case you were wondering. I also got through a housecarl and a sellsword on the same day. Pooch is still going strong, though. Admittedly, I haven't yet left Markarth but I'm assured that he's the fiercest companion money can buy, so I'm confident that he'll survive everything that's thrown at him.

Over and out.